when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
