Sry I called you an 8
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
