I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Rumble strips road head = magical
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
