I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
