There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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