I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
