this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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