His hands were made for my vagina.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
