yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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