well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
