At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
