K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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