Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
