Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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