At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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