her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
