lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
