Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
