i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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