If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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