I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
