Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
