I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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