I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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