You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
