and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
