I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
