dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
