ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
