I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
