dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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