I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
