I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
