just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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