if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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