The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
