I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
3 2 1 whiskey
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
