my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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