what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
