nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
