I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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