i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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