the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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