I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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