You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
