The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's blow job season.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize