Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
