It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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