He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
