I am full of burrito and curiosity
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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