I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
