its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My bed smells like the plague
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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