I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
