yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
