I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
