You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
