WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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