Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
