i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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