he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize