guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
my poor anus
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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