Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
