All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
