yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize