i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
