We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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