Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
