dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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