im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
