also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
