'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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