So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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